Ask a Grown Man: Vol. XII

25 Oct

I’ve got a TON of questions in ye ole’ Ask A Grown Man queue. So, we’re going to spend a couple of days answering them, changing lives, and kickin’ it Dear Abby style.  Let’s get to work….

Grown Man,

I am recently divorced.  It’s been ten years since I’ve even thought about dating, and I believe the world has changed quite a bit.  What do I do to get myself into the current dating scene?  A related question, what are your thoughts on e-dating sites?

Thank you for your time,
Michael

My Good Man,

Sorry about your divorce.  While you may be happy it ended, nobody ever goes into a marriage expecting it to fail.  I hope this season of your life hasn’t been too rough.  But, judging by your email, I’m guessing you might be emerging from those woods and ready to dip a toe back in the ever-so-treacherous dating waters — well done.  Allow me to shed some light on your questions.

First, a lot and nothing has changed in ten years. For example, in 2000 everybody was paying attention to hanging chads in hella-crazy Florida while at the same time – get ready for it -  women enjoyed being with a man who was polite.  Here’s another one: In 2000, every Gen Y-er was bemoaning the end of Boy Meets World (and Topanga) – also, eye contact and genuine interest in a woman’s life was getting guys second dates.

So 1998You see what I’m saying?  Basically, Michael, being a good man is always en vogue and ten years changes nothing except current events and fashion (no more paisley ties – ever).  However, and more to your questions, where do you meet Michael-worthy women?

Well, people say you should stay away from bars.  But, what I really think they mean is that you should stay away from places that you, on a normal day, would never go to.  For instance,  if you’re 45, don’t go to the bar that the super-trendy college kids frequent.  While it may seem like a good idea to be flirting with freshmen, it’s not the relationship you’re looking for.

In reality, you should be hanging out in places with people like you.  You should find the local Michael-like establishment(s) and set up camp.  Also, you might need to be creative and create hobbies or situations in your life that foster this kind of community.  Not a church-goer?  Maybe it’s time.  Are you a half-way decent baseball player?  Time to sign up for your local softball league. The bottom line is this: find a community, be bold in asking quality women out, pick yourself up when it doesn’t work, and be patient.  Then, like the shampoo bottles say, “Wash, rinse, repeat.”  Keep at it.

Or, there’s option b) on-line dating.  Here are my two cents on online dating.  Five years ago, it was a little odd and something that good, normal, non-super strange folks should have avoided.  However, the fact that on-line dating has become so popular has helped in shifting the balance from 10% Normal/90% Creep-a-zoid to 80% Normal/20% oogie. This change has caused me to rethink the validity of this option and give it my official, “I Don’t Know Man, If You Really Have To” seal of approval. There’s nothing better than meeting a nice lady organically. However, I realize we live in different and increasingly isolated times, and it gets progressively harder as you get further away from your 20’s to go au naturel. So if you must Michael, you’ve got my semi-support.

heHarmony,
GM

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9 Responses to “Ask a Grown Man: Vol. XII”

  1. Sholeh 25 October 2010 at 10:17 am #

    There are some paisley ties that can be worn, you just have to be really careful about them. Examples:

    No: http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=481323&CategoryID=53430
    Yes: http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=467629&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

    I wish I had more input on the dating thing, but you’ve pretty much covered it. I would say that Michael might want to volunteer. Doing service activities can help you meet really great people (as long as he is sincere about it). Plus, it is fulfilling and you are doing some good for the world.

    • You're a Grown Man 25 October 2010 at 10:24 am #

      Well, Sholeh, we’ve come to a crossroads. While I appreciate the “Yes” tie, I still shutter at the sight of paisley. However, you are a person of distinguished taste and, moreover, a woman, so I yield to your opinion of what’s handsome on a fella.

      Also, volunteering is a great one! I hope others comment with more great suggestions like that one.

      Thank you, Sholeh

  2. QueenPinky 25 October 2010 at 1:51 pm #

    Sooooo, I think online dating is cool. The way I see it, you can meet the same quality of people online as in real life. The same real life people who walk and breath on our earth are online as well. We have to be safe and cautious either way!

    • You're a Grown Man 25 October 2010 at 2:22 pm #

      Great point… there’s never a creep-proof option for dating, is there? As always, thank you, Queen.

  3. Ben 25 October 2010 at 11:18 pm #

    Awful ties. Just awful.

  4. Dare Right 29 October 2010 at 1:30 am #

    Yea, for the twelfth installment of Ask a Grown Men! I have been missing Ask a Grown Man Thursdays.
    Love the Boy Meets World reference!
    Great advice as always, GM!

  5. Julia 4 November 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    Dear Grown Man,

    I just wanted to drop by and say hey – so, “Hey,” – and let you know that, as a Grown Woman, I really appreciate your blog. It is both witty and insightful; often witty to the point of repressed chuckling in my cubicle and insightful to the extent that I find myself remembering your reflections even days after reading them, and almost always scanning my mental rolodex of Grown Man friends to share a link or five. But what I like best about this site may not be what you hear from all your other Grown Lady readers – while certainly it is helpful in advising and amending un-Grown Man behaviors in menfolk, what I find most valuable is your wisdom on all varieties of interpersonal relationships. Perhaps a good alias for your site address could be “youareahumanbeingandsoaretheysotreatothersaccordingly.com”.

    Anyhoo, just sharing an observation. I hope all the Grown Women who read this site take your advice to heart for their own behavior as well as their efforts to “improve” their Grown-Manfriends.

    Best,

    Julia

  6. cassiecares 5 November 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    Hi GM. Haven’t had a post from you in a hot minute. Hope everything’s fab. Some of my readers are now your readers, as I’ve linked you on my page. (Today a reader messaged me asking me if I knew you personally, which I don’t, and perhaps it’s creepy that I’m telling you this.) Congrats. Very few people get featured on my page. Your blog? Necessary.

  7. Michael 12 May 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    Oh Grown Man, how we miss you. I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that I originally asked the question in this round of Ask A Grown Man, and I am happily dating someone I met on eHarmony. It’s been six months, and things are going wonderfully. Thank you for your guidance, good sir.

    God rest ye, merry Gentleman.
    -Michael

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