That’s it, I’m throwing in the towel…I literally can’t take this anymore. For the last week, I’ve been writing about feelings, weddings, love, relational dynamics, et cetera, et cetera – and I’m going crazy. I’m a sensitive man, but if I spend one more moment trying to wrap my head around the etiquette and emotions of a wedding, I’m going to cry (irony?). So today, we’re gonna rock this post like it’s March of 2010 and I’m going to get hella-specific about one issue.
You’re a Grown Man, wear a watch.
But Grown Man, I have a phone that gives me the time! And it’s not just any phone, it’s a freakin’ jail broken iPhone 4 – sucka!
Here’s why you shouldn’t be using your phone as your primary time keeper. It’s just not polite, when sitting with a person, to slyly pull out your brick-of-an-iDroidBerry, push a button, and check the time. Everything about that transaction screams of you not giving a crap about the conversation. And though that may be true, is not the way a man presents himself. For real though, I trust that you’re only checking the time, it just appears as though you’re glancing at the recent Words with Friends updates. Oh my god, I can’t believe the word PacManFever was accepted!
Alright, so hopefully you get the point that your phone isn’t your watch. But why should Grown Men wear watches at all? There are a few reasons:
-Grown Men are punctual. There will be a full post about this later in the week, so I’m not going to go into it. For now I will just leave you with this little adage: Early is on time, on time is late. That just happened.
-Watches project confidence. A watch has a very subconscious effect on the people who see it. There’s something about the small accent that tells people you value punctuality and fashion. Conversely, seeing a man without a watch doesn’t scream of immaturity, but it doesn’t help your cause. Without a watch, you get closer to confidence-neutral, which won’t bode well with potential lady-friends, colleagues, or other Grown Men.
-They look cool. The “Don Draper” factor can’t be ignored. And, as there are very few acceptable pieces of jewelry that a man can wear (cuff links, cool tie clip, wedding ring, glasses, that’s it), a watch is a small exclamation point on a well dressed fella. While I’ll leave it up to you to determine what’s classy and what’s not, I strongly suggest, nay, demand that you pick a watch that’s timeless (snicker) and appropriate. Bright yellow bands and Mickey Mouse are out. Here’s a rule: Picture your watch on Clint Eastwood. If if looks cool on him, it’s a winner.
And that, my good men, is the end of the post! No feelings, no love, just good old fashion advice and judgment. That felt good.
Grown Men, synchronize Swatches!