1- T-shirts may be worn when you’re 
working outside.
2- T-shirts may only be worn during social activities when it’s hotter than 70 degrees AND it’s a purely outdoor event (picnic, beach, etc.) AND you’re the boss of the company AND the t-shirt is pretty nondescript.
3- T-shirts may be worn as part of some philanthropic event where the organizers feel as though unity in color and logo will benefit the cause. However, and listen to me on this one, you may not wear your t-shirt over the collared shirt you put on before you knew they were giving out shirts. Be prepared when you’re going to these things, wear an undershirt so you can make a quick change without exposing the “Thug Life” tattoo you got during your 2Pak phase. West side!
4- You may not wear t-shirts at any other time other than #1 through #3 – for real.
Now you’re crossing the line, Grown Man. My t-shirt is my jam! How are people going to know what bands I’m interested in?!
Listen Grown Man, you are an individual. I applaud the fact that you’ve got unique style and expression. However, use things like, oh I don’t know, music, poetry, writing, painting, spoken word, freestyle hip-hop dance, etc., to express yourself. T-shirts : self-expression :: Becky #2 : Roseanne. It just doesn’t work that well.
Moving on…
5- No inappropriate t-shirts – ever. You’ve really got to own the fact that inappropriate shirts paint with a pretty broad joke-brush. When you walk through the mall in your I Just _____ed your Sister shirt, some people think it’s kinda funny, some people are offended, nobody thinks you’re an adult. Think about a 10-year-old who’s chillin’ out waiting for his turn at Auntie Anne’s, that kid shouldn’t be reading that junk.
6- Funny t-shirts are dead. Sorry about this, but they are. I know they make fantastic jokes, in fact, I’ve got about 4 good ones in my head that are dying to get out. But we need to stay strong and realize that the fad is over and the humor bar must be maintained.
7- You may never, ever, in any scenario, wear a t-shirt at work.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, this can’t be a rule, I work at one of those super-rad work places where people don’t care about your attire – they’re beyond that. They care about you as a person and don’t live by your ivory-tower rules. I hate you, Grown Man.
First of all, you don’t hate me – you love me. You know why? Because deep down inside, you’re dying for someone to tell you what I’m about to say:
It doesn’t matter how progressive and cool your company is. Your company can be a mecca in the middle of Indie-a. I’ll give you that one again: INDIE-a. Wow. Anyhow, we live in a society that, right or wrong, still views dressing well as sign of professionalism. Your company may be amazing (I work at one of those myself), but when you’ve got something important to say, you’ll have more of a voice if you’re not wearing a I Slept With The Girl In Hanson shirt. It may not be fair, but it’s true.
That is all.
Like this:
Tags: clothing, comedy, etiquette, fashion, first impression, manners, work
“No inappropriate t-shirts – ever.”
Aw, I love you for saying this!
There’s got to be a line, you know? Being an idiot with your close friends and saying junk is one thing, wearing an offensive billboard is quit another.
mct88, thank you so much for reading and commenting. You’re awesome.
I am a huge fan of the casual button down, and real preppy dress (not that uber up-tight junk most people think it is, the only nice part of having blue blood is the accent and the sense of style, lol). Nice pair of jeans, button down shirt, non-pleated khakis, chinos… and a Henley or polo. They say I’m fun, a real (grown) man, and I know how to dress.
I agree with the above that T-shirts have their place, I would add one more, on the weekends, if you are just relaxing with your friends, if there is cheap beer involved, T-shirts are expected, also sporting events (excluding tennis, golf and sometimes boxing depending on where you seats are, of if it is the diamond club at a stadium).
“I would add one more, on the weekends, if you are just relaxing with your friends, if there is cheap beer involved, T-shirts are expected, also sporting events.”
Exceedingly good call, lookingforsomethingtofind. Sporting events are totally fine for a nice t-shirt. You know, not the ratty one you also mow in – the game day shirt.
Also, good call on the cheap beer rule. Like any of my ivory-tower rants, there’s a little bit of wiggle room on the rules. But not the rule about work (#7), that one’s air-freaking-tight.
Thanks for a tremendous comment!
Rule #8 Don’t wear a t-shirt that’s a size too small. Trust me. No one has nor wants tickets to that gun show.
Also, I linked to your blog in a recent post. Let me know if you want me to remove it.
Excellent point! The only reason why #8 wasn’t about size was that there’s an upcoming post dedicated to proper fit of attire. But I 100% agree that guys need to think of the shirt that makes them look good and add one to it. The gun show is closed.
Also, it’s totally cool that you linked to my blog in your blog. In fact, I really appreciate it.
By the way, Pop has a cool blog with my favorite quote: “Mastitis is no joke!” You’re damn right it isn’t, pop.
http://gopopgo.wordpress.com/
Thanks, as always, for taking the time to comment.
Dear Grown Man,
I have a quite extensive collection of t-shirts with my favorite team’s logo on them. I wear them to watch all games, during game week, the day after any big wins, and generally to annoy people who aren’t fans.
If I’m understanding you correctly, these might as well go to the trash heap, right? A sad day, but perhaps the dose of reality I needed…
Oh crap. This was an oversight, allow me to correct it now.
#8 – Grown Men, you may keep your Gator shirts and wear them whenever you’d like. All other teams are considered blasphemy and will not be tolerated. Go Gators.
Thanks for reading, Gators Fan.
Yesss… love love.
OK, that was hilarious!
But I hope this doesn’t apply to Grown Women, too! Otherwise, I’m effed. What would I do without my “You Never Forget Your First Doctor” TARDIS t-shirt??
Stop the train. Was that a Doctor Who joke? Incredible!
As far as the rules for Grown Women and t-shirts, I literally have no idea what is appropriate. “You people” get away with shirts that seem to be fancy but, when you really look at them, are just t-shirts. It’s quite something actually.
TARDIS – classic.
I think the Grown Woman rule for T-shirts are as follows:
1. No t-shirts that your 10 y/o cousin could wear (size or content). No Hello Kitty T-shirts, No baby-t’s (via your britney spears phase)
2. Themed T-shirts are cool to wear at sporting events/bars, college alumni games/socials, and family bbqs.
Hmm, I might have to do a t-shirt post on my fashion blog (www.fabglancenashville.com. I’ll be sure to link you.
Mdw, #1 is dead on. I don’t think guys are into women that look like kids. If they are, they’re not ready to date (and super creepy).
Let me know when you write your own fashion rules on http://www.fabglancenashville.com,I‘ll be stoked to read them . I’ve never been to Nashville, I should head over there sometime.
I’m reading this post while sitting in a TMNT shirt. How dare you.
James
http://www.folkwaysmagazine.com
James, the real question is, where are you reading this post? At work? (fired) At home? (cowabunga!)
By the way, I just went to http://www.folkwaysmagazine.com…nice post about “Warm Weather Albums”. I dig me some summer Yo La Tengo.
That’s true. It was while I was at home. Now I’m at work and in my Grown Man clothes…screwing around on WordPress while the bosses aren’t looking.
James
http://www.folkwaysmagazine.com
It was a t-shirt that pushed me over the edge from hopeful single girl to crazy, critical, unforgiving she-beast fueled purely on Marlboros, Lean Cuisines and bitterness. It was a t-shirt that made me know I would die alone. Observe:
http://youarenotajedi.wordpress.com/about/
Notajedi, while it is your prerogative to die alone, I can assure you that there are good men in the world who won’t wear track pants and t-shirts on a date with you. What an insane story on your blog!
Even though I wear T-Shirts to work, I agree with you. I need to go clothes shopping…
mikejmurray, I’m sure you’re a fantastic and Grown Man…though it wouldn’t kill you to drop a collar bomb on that office every now and again.
As soon as I saw your blog title, I realized that I seriously need to show this to my single grown man friend who will NOT give up his a) inappropriate t-shirts and b) funny t-shirts. And he wonders why he’s still single. A bunch of us gals (his best friends’ wives) are thinking of doing a manervention, sit him down, slap him around a little, and tear up his shirts. Sounds sexy, but he’ll be in tears
Awesome post, once again.
I’m pre-sad for that man. He’s going to have a hell of a time giving up his Bon-Jovi 83 shirt and Where’s the Beef tank-top. However, it’s a small price to pay for possible procreation.
Beefy King t-shirts for life. Sorry Grown Man. I believe someone real close to you got it for me for my birthday actually…?
Beefy King? Sick.
In all my 30 years, I’ve never seen my dad wear a T-shirt, or jeans for that matter. He wears a button down shirt and slacks every single day. He’s a true grown man, and I love him for it.
Your dad is awesome – freaking awesome.
Can we add one more rule for women’s shirts? Don’t wear anything that has rhinestones or is otherwise bedazzled. It was never cute, really.
I feel unqualified to add rules for women’s clothing. However, if I did have that authority I would TOTALLY ban all use of shiny things. Especially when those shiny things spell *Juicy* or some other terrible word.
Grown man, I’m normally with you. But this needs to be addressed, RIGHT NOW.
“But not the rule about work (#7), that one’s air-freaking-tight.”
Not true. I work on a farm – one of the most manliest places possible – and you try spending all day in the fields wearing something other than a t-shirt. I dare you.
But yes, there are a lot of t-shirt related crimes. One of my friends turned up at a beach day with a t-shirt that said, in bright yellow capital letters, “I’D DO ME”.
Yeah, great.
Mr. Tony,
I’m going to say something that I don’t like saying. You are right, I am wrong. Working on a farm is one of, if not the very most manly places a person can work.
Entire world, if you work on a farm, disregard this post.
What kind of farm is it?
Thanks for reading and keeping me in line!
It is a flower farm. This sounds very, very unmanly. But honestly, we’re talking about digging up bulbs from six acres of fields in the sweltering sun and then lugging giant sacks of the damn things to the barn – and there’s nothing girly about that.
No way, ANY farm is exceedingly manly. What kind of flowers? Especially when you have to “lug the giant sacks” (snicker).
What about guys thinking “I don’t have to wear ANYTHING to cover my torso, because I’m that sexy. Woooha. Look at me.” ? Isn’t this a bigger crime?
Yes, Gaspody – it is. It is a crime of unspeakably bad taste. Thank you for bringing this to light.
Wow. Just wow. I’m halfway through college, and have finally started throwing out my collection of funny t-shirts (they work a bit better as a teenager, thank you). It’s like you took my train of thought on the subject, and posted it on the internet.
Also, at the farm discussion: read rule #1. If Rule #1 doesn’t apply, either you’re arguing semantics (barns and greenhouses lack air conditioning and cleanliness to cou
??? Did I hit a post limit, or is my computer broken?
Ohh, well.
Anyway, I’ll leave this to the awesomeness of its owner now. Thanks again!!!
I think it may have been a computer issue as others have written much longer posts (see above). Nevertheless, I’m glad you’re shedding the old t’s and updating the wardrobe – we’ve all got to make that Goodwill run a some point in our budding manhood.
Thanks a ton for reading and I hope you find your Sage.
what happens when its insanely hot outside though?
just read rule 2
Thanks for reading rule 2 (and 1,3,4,5,6,7). Keep it real, Ray.
I also want to object to the “no t-shirts at work ever” rule. I am a teacher, and at my school we have “spirit Friday” where the students AND the teachers are encouraged to wear school colors. This includes club t-shirts. I am the sponsor of the drama club and a track coach and I routinely wear t-shirts for these groups on spirit Friday. I think this is totally appropriate.
I think we’re forgetting two very obvious places for wearing t-shirts:
1.) The gym
2.) Laying around at home