quit fumbling over introductions.

24 May

Let’s assume for a moment that you have interactions with humans other than your mom, your one friend who has a jet ski, and Taco Bell Brenda. If you are a moderately functioning member of the Earth, you’ve likely been the middleman between person A (we’ll call him Sam) and person B (we’ll call her Diane). Usually, this is how you roll:

1- You are talking to Sam
2- Diane walks up
3- You continue talking to Sam, giving Diane a quick bro-nod.
4- Diane makes awkward eye-contact with Sam, has the should I stay or should I go moment, and continues to stand there waiting for you to do the deed.
5- Your conversation with Sam about a “sweet Hogwarts Lego set” wraps up and you, finally, turn and say, “Oh, what’s up Diane” – Sam now stands awkwardly while Diane agrees that TRON should be remade – asap.

Okay, really men, you’ve got to get the whole introducing people to each other thing down. Like many other subtle points of etiquette, it will go a long way in helping others take you seriously, not to mention that those in your orbit will feel valued – which is good if you want to procreate.

Here are some pointers:

-Take a moment and give a brief intro of each person. Make sure you include a little how you know that person sentence and, at least, give the first name. For example: “Oh hey, Zack, this is Kelly. Zack and I are both in the Bowling With Mom league I was telling you about, Kelly got me into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I’m really glad you guys are finally meeting.”

-Be honest about forgetting names because it’s more important for you to look dumb than for them to feel uncomfortable. I would suggest self-deprecating humor here: “Oh man, I suck, I wasn’t paying attention when you told me your name 25 times. I have end-stage A.D.D., they’re calling in Hospice for me…etc., etc.”

-If you’re introducing your lady-friend (assuming you could ever get one), say her name before her title. For example, “Dude with a jet ski, this is Gretchen, my wife.” Now, I know this isn’t a common practice, but think about it, is it more important that they know she’s your wife or her own, unique person? You better be saying the latter.

-Practice makes perfect. Spend some time introducing your Teddy Ruxpin to your Pound Puppy, you’ll get good at it.

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5 Responses to “quit fumbling over introductions.”

  1. Christina 2 June 2010 at 5:46 pm #

    Found this from the Hug entry, but I love this entry. I’m sending
    “For example, “Dude with a jet ski, this is Gretchen, my wife.” Now, I know this isn’t a common practice, but think about it, is it more important that they know she’s your wife or her own, unique person? You better be saying the latter.”
    to my husband.

  2. sometimeswefall 2 June 2010 at 8:32 pm #

    Your blog is hilarious!

  3. thirdestater 3 June 2010 at 4:08 am #

    This is wonderful.

  4. zaken 16 December 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    My grandfather, a consummate grown man, was among an abundance of grown men among whom I was raised back in the day when they were plentiful. They taught me well and I am pleased to have been one myself now for many years. On this subject grandpa trained me to always introduce the lady to the gentleman, to wit:

    “Wilma, this is my friend, Barney, from the gravel pit. Barney, this is Wilma, my wife.” (You’ll notice that I’ve incorporated your excellent sequence of name-first, role-second, something I’m sure he would have heartily agreed with.)

    A most edifying blog, sir. I look forward to following it for many posts to come.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. quit fumbling over introductions. (via you’re a grown man) « Cesky Cess's Blog - 3 June 2010

    [...] Let's assume for a moment that you have interactions with humans other than your mom, your one friend who has a jet ski, and Taco Bell Brenda. If you are a moderately functioning member of the Earth, you’ve likely been the middleman between person A (we’ll call him Sam) and person B (we’ll call her Diane). Usually, this is how you roll: 1- You are talking to Sam 2- Diane walks up 3- You continue talking to Sam, giving Diane a quick bro-nod. 4- Di … Read More [...]

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