quit wearing those v-neck shirts.

Do you know the shirts I’m talking about? Yes, the t-shirts that take an unexpected plunge towards the man breast and show off all that lovely Gaston carpet.

Lately, an incredible amount of girl jeans guys have rocked this shirt and are getting away with it. I say nay. First, because it’s typically unacceptable to be wearing a t-shirt in public.

“But Grown Man, I’m just hanging out with my dawgs on a Friday night! Why can’t I wear what I want?”

Because you’re an adult. Sometimes, you just make concessions for dressing your age and not looking like the freshman dorm, let’s get drunk and punch each other, I still miss my mom and call her everyday, version of yourself.

The second reason that it’s not cool to be v-necking is that your chest is ugly. Do you have hair on your chest? Ugly. Do you have one of those weird, ultra-smooth, hairless chests? Ugly. Do you have those unseemly freckles and weird little red mini-zits? Oh lord, I’m gagging. In any scenario, your v-neck shows off a part of you that, like most parts on guys, is unattractive and counterproductive to any hopes you might have of reproduction and furthering the species.

Get a freakin’ polo already.

Tags: clothing, college, etiquette, fashion, lady-friend